mums around the world: chloe sells

The lovely Chloe Sells is a fine art photographer who works between London and Botswana, Africa. She is seven months pregnant, and has an amazing story of wildlife, nature, loss and life. We were really moved by her open and honest words, and loved hearing about what a day is like in the Okavanga Delta. Thank you so much for sharing with us, Chloe xx Nb

I live between Botswana and London…

The town I live in in Botswana is a small town, filled with goats and donkeys and sometimes elephants. We live at the base of the Okavango Delta, which is a large inland delta full of some of the last remaining African wildlife species in the world. I am surrounded by wilderness. As an artist, I have space within my work to consider the changes that becoming a mother are precipitating and also the mystery of life. I also run safari lodges in the Okavango Delta, which is very different, but keeps me very close to nature and my inspiration. In London I live on the edge of Hampstead Heath, which equally brings good outdoor space and nature to partake in. Of course London is very different to Maun. One of the primary differences is the complete lack of sun.

I have been in Botswana for many months of my pregnancy now, and often I wake up to the sound of elephant brushing past my house made of reeds…

I wake each morning to a symphony of bird song, frogs calling and crickets chirping. I hear hyena whooping in the distance through the night and sometimes prides of lion calling to one another from island to island. In the safari lodge I work with my staff to bring our clients the wilderness experience they are hoping for. Sometimes I spend the day sitting behind a desk doing administration for the company. On lucky days I work in my studio on the banks of the river in our town and tell visual stories about the wilderness that I know so intimately.

My child will run barefoot in the bush...

And be able to learn about plant and animal life from the very moment it begins. When in London we will be able to enjoy any one of the many cultural activities that the city offers. 

Our baby is an IVF baby… 

IVF is a long and tedious process. It offers many challenges and as a person who has a very clean diet and lifestyle, I found it very unpleasant taking all of the drugs and feeling the changes that they created in my body. 

My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer three years ago...

And died ten days after I became pregnant. He was ill during the many many months that it took for me to become pregnant and we thought long and hard about our decision. It was the right decision. In many ways caring for him while he died was one of the great gifts and pleasures of my life. It was very sad for me that I did not get to tell him that we were going to have a baby. Of course he knew it was possible, but that is not quite the same knowing it in fact. By far the most challenging experience I have had during my pregnancy is reconciling his death and not being able to share the day to day process of creating life with him. 

Having said all of that, my pregnancy has been easy...

And I feel blessed to have been healthy throughout and to feel strong and clear. I haven’t suffered from very much physical discomfort or from very strong mood swings. It has been an emotional time, but that has been expected and I feel that it is essential to healthy living to allow yourself to feel your feelings. They come and they go. I have an amazing collection of friends all over the world. My family is endlessly supportive and my husband will no doubt influence our child’s life and the decisions that I make going forward.

I like to check in with the Dalai Lama and to read…

Pema Chodron for balancing life support, and I loved Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I am currently reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel and Parenting From The Inside Out by Daniel Siegal. They couldn’t be more different, but I am enjoying them both.

My weekends start with…

Lying in bed on Saturday morning and thinking that this is one of the last times for a very long time that I will be able to do this without other pressures.

Must have baby essentials? 

I have no idea, which sometimes terrifies me. The Nature Baby 'what my baby needs' checklist was awesome, it seems to have everything but not too much. I'll be back to London next week and working less, I'll think about what to purchase then. I am planning for a home birth and I will need to make the necessary arrangements at home for that. I will also take some time out to appreciate the last bits of the life that I know and to prepare for what is to come.

For more of our motherhood stories, see here.